Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Schtupid People

I am always somewhat shocked and dismayed by the social gaffes that people can commit, and often left in a state of confusion if people are really so schtupid and ignorant, or if it is all just an act, as they attempt to get a rise out of me. Baring Teeth

I often hope for the latter, but realistically, I know that it is the former.
Some people are just dyam schtupid! Dumb

Maybe if we all arrive at the same conclusion, life will be much simplier and there will be less confusion as to people's personalities and idiosyncracies. Of course, my conclusion does not explain all, but I do believe that it is a start.

Now, when someone says something Schtupid, I will no longer have the horrible ache from my jaw dropping in shock, but rather, can toss the comment over my shoulder, and simply categorise them as a Schtupid Person, and isolate myself accordingly. But, to clarify, please note that this does not necessarily apply to a Schtupid 'comment' but rather the Schtupid Person, who utters Schtupid comments without fail.

To continue my definition of the Schtupid Person, this does not denote the so-called 'uneducated', but rather someone who is just so daft, ignorant, oblivious and lacking in common sense, that they are totally incapable of redemption. There is no hope of them seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, as they are happy in their oblivion. We in turn repeatedly frustrate ourselves by continually attempting to argue, discuss or establish some form of understanding with said Schtupid Person, to no avail.

Case in point, statement (one of many!) from a former Human Resources Manager: "You would look so much better if you relaxed your hair. It is just not professional the way that you wear it." Shocked

Now, from this statement, I could have been a Schtupid Person, and focused on the complimentary aspect, the "look better" part. Does this mean that in some respects, I look OK? Or, should I have followed my natural inclination and told her about her ass, and all that it entailed? Of course, to tell her about her posterior would not have educated her in respect to her social gaffe, and I would have been conceived as ignorant. Therefore, I looked and assessed, and concluded that she was just Schtupid, and this was a final strike against her in my Schtupidity log. I would no longer interact with her on a personal level, as she would only frustrate and irritate me and I would inevitably tell her about her ass.

Therefore and hence, I patted her on the head, gave forth a condescending smile, and advised her that the little green men would soon complete their experiment with her brain. Now, I am convinced that she has logged me as a Schtupid Person in her own little pink Schtupidity book. Go Figure.

Now, where is all this coming from, you may ask? Well, today was a day fraught with schtupid comments from people that I surmised to be reasonably intelligent, and certain items have been logged against these perpetrators. It will be interesting to see if these individuals are eventually relegated to the Schtupid People category.

On that note, I shall no exit.


Tuesday, September 26, 2006

The War - Bim / July 26th, 1995

Biblical fiction, we were called woman,
Scorned product from the rib;
Deliberately, they constantly forget,
Persecuted for what Eve allegedy did.

Endless reality, perpetrated through song,

They constantly forget our name;
Relegated to 'cunt', 'whore', 'pussy' or 'bitch',
Endearments utilised to bring us shame.

Repugnantly categorised via the external,

We suffer profoundly, knowing not our roles;
Social revoution's developing product,
Confused to the very depths of our souls.

Liberated, a claim alledged by many,

Despite which, the revolution will remain;
They ask if we will ever be satisfied,
Ironically, a final goal to be attained.

Education, the so-called regiment of freedom,

Soldiers donning weapons to wage the endless war;
Numerous casualties resulting from battle,
Results of which, advancement has been far.

They know not what we are fighing for,

My struggle ridiculed at every turn;
Equal opportunities, respect and honour,
Elements of a constitution that we will earn.


Bim / July 26th, 1997



Monday, September 25, 2006

Weekend Wrap Up

So, once again it is back to the daily grindstone that we call work. Yippee. Depressed
I have come to realise that I detest Sundays with a passion, because Mondays are coming Mad . Sunday is the proverbial axe that is hanging over my head, between me and that thing called Monday. The only times that I can appreciate Sundays are when Mondays are a public holiday. Then, my hatred for Mondays multiplies ten fold, because I know that Tuesday is coming.

Notice a pattern, here?

The weekend has passed without incident for me. It was a nice and quiet one. I stayed at home on Friday with a bottle of wine ...hic, DVD's and books. I read...hic...and watched my leisure. Its nice to be able to enjoy...hic...the pleasure of my own company now and again.
Drinking Red Wine
Saturday, I donned some dress up clothes, and chilled on the road with CM.

Manly Man that he is, we watched the Ultimate Fighting Championship thingy at a local bar. In summary, two dudes beating the crap out of each other in a cage-like environment. Initially, I figured that I could suppress my pacifist nature to enjoy the fight as a form of morbid entertainment. I even made a nice little side bet on the victor, and of course, I selected the cutie fellow.

Lawd, when they started to pummel each other in the ring, it was no longer entertaining for me. Blood spurted, and the victorious fellow (not my cutie selection!!) held the Cutie Fellow down and started to reign mighty blows indiscriminantly onto Cutie Fellow's face. The crowd in the bar were all eagerly lapping this up, and cheering loudly as each blow landed, and even shouted possible alternatives to the participants. As the Cutie Fellow was beaten to a bloody pulp, the audience was in a continued frenzy.

Isolating myself temporarily from the scene, I wondered if this is the problem with Mankind, the fact that we are all anxious to see to each other's destruction, even in the name of sport. Why must we continue to salivate at the indiscriminant shedding of each other's blood? Of course, we continue to make historical excuses for the continuation of these sports, Gladiators, Boxers, Wrestlers, etc, but it is interesting to note that even in the twentieth century, members of the lower income bracket are still being fed to the Lions, all in the name of sport and Man's continued need for bloody entertainment.

All of that pondering during three rounds, plus I lost five bucks when cutie fellow was pummelled!

On that note, I shall now exit.

Afro Ginger

Sunday, September 24, 2006


Well, it has been another uneventful week in the daily drudery of this thing called my life, and it is sad to note that the Long Tongue Man has been the most exciting thing that has happened to me all week. Go figure.
I'm So BoredI must do something to break the monotony.

On contemplation for the source of my restlessness and boredom, I have come to realise that in the grand scheme of things, I am a hipocrite. Yes, it was a devastating conclusion, but needless to say, I gotta keep it real.

I am always able to give a general hue and cry for the proposed injustices, and problems with the world today. I believe that it is my civic duty to vote, and to monitor the actions (or inactions) of my government representatives, but other than waking up on election day to complete this civic duty, I have done nothing. I continue to sit on my ass and bitch.

Save the Dolphins Dolphin 2 . Spay and Neuter your pets. Ban the Bomb Bomb . Recycle. All bandwagons that I have jumped on when the cause was popular. If there was a petition, I would sign it. If there was a protest, I was there. Now that I am inevitably approaching senior citizen status, the drudgery of my life consists of home and work, and the shallow bouts of entertainment that I require to keep me going, and this is no longer enough.

What have I done? What has been my contribution? I have never volunteered, especially if a charitable event should clash with my social life, or God forbid, my Saturday morning nap. I do not have a passion or drive for a particular cause, and this state of affairs cannot continue. How can I possible criticise other people's efforts, if I have made no significant contributions myself? How can we all bitch and gripe about the state of the world, if we continue to sit on our asses, selfishly immersed in the daily happenings of our own lives?

I abhor apathy in others, yet have continually refused to recognise that I am suffering from the same plight.

On that note I shall now exit.


Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Tongue Lashing

So, this morning, I drivin' along 'bout my business, cool, chillin' and totally mellow, listenin' to an ol' Sparrow CD in my car. You know the ol' scratchy songs with the hollow, echo-ie static ridden backgrounds? It was one 'a dem. Lol

So I warbling along with Sparrow, in my cool and mellow mood , pulled up to a red light, easy maxin' and relaxin', pondering my day ahead, Sparrow as my guide.
As I was completing my jungle screech with Sparrow to the tune of the Congo Man, I happened to glance at the vehicle that pulled up beside me, and my eyes connected with a scruffy lookin' fellow sportin dreads, and a gold tooth smack dab in the centre of his palate. I noticed said tooth, because Mr. Man grinned laciviously at me, and the glare from the tooth almost blinded me. Teeth In retrospect, the tooth did appear to be very well kept.

Polite individual that I am, I gave him a polite and distant nod of acknowledgement, filled with the right amount of disinterest, accompanied by a slight sneer of the upper lip Frown should he think otherwise, when to my shock and amazement, Mr. Man proceeded to stick his tongue out at me, and Lawd Gad, the tongue almost touched his chest!
Men of the world Male , what the Pissed is that all about??? Did I miss a memo??? Mad

Where in all that is conceivable could a man possibly think that this was sexy, attractive, or appealing and a way to get a woman's attention??? Has this ever worked??? Where in all that is holy could such a concept have been conceived???

Lawd'a mercy!! Shock 3

Men of the world, hear my cry: The tongue business does not work! When you receive a scornful response to this action: WE ARE NOT PLAYING HARD TO GET!!! This is not an effective tool for gaining a woman's attention! I bid you - cease and desist! Stop Sign !

Mr. Man done went and spoiled my mellow mood, and worse yet, Sparrow now crooning 'bout 'licking and stickin' in the Congo Man song, and I get vex wid Sparrow too!! Mad

My natural inclination was to exit my car, and search for a good and proper rock stone to pierce the confines of Mr. Man's car, and connect with his head back as he drove away!

Needless to say, this was a fleeting thought as I am a pacifist by nature Peace (and a coward), and hunting rocks in a bush would do some serious damage to my new shoes and my dignity in mid morning traffic, therefore I had a split second to contemplate some form of retalitory action, to counter Mr. Man's display. To piss me off even further, I knew that Mr. Man done gone 'bout his business, and I am the furthest thing from his mind, whilst I am left behind, vex and irate! Pissed

I dug deep into the spiteful recesses of my mind (all whilst pondering his neck-back as he drove away), dug out my trusty cell phone and made a call. Cell Phone

On that note, I shall leave all in suspense, for fear that I shall implicate myself in any actions involving the possible abuse of government resources. Angelic

On a totally unrelated matter, Nerd I feel that it is my civic duty to assist in the promotion of a wonderul Drunk Driving Hotline initiated by the RCIP Police some years back, for which I have seen no further promotions for the past two years.

This Hotline is accessed by dialing *DD on your cell phone, in the event that you are ever navigating the perilous streets of the Cayman Isands, and should ever encounter a drunk driver, or a suspected drunk driver. Just provide the nice RCIP officer with the license plate number of the suspected perpetrator, and general direction of that they are heading, and they will take it from there. The call is strictly anonymous, though you may provide your name and details, should you so desire. Let us come together to eradicate drunk driving and it possible fatal consequences.

Downing Shots

Having fulfilled my civic obligation for the day, I shall now exit.


Afro. Peace Sign

Monday, September 18, 2006

Happenings on the Rock

So, all kinda happenings on the little rock over the weekend. The newspaper was actually teeming with information today, full of hot topics. Nerd


I have always considered the Monday editions of the newspaper to be redundant, as everyone on the island has had the news by Sunday. The only things that are fresh for the Monday publications are the comics. I love Curtis! Thumbs Up

So Dr. Frank McField, prominent forever-campaigning politician that he is, was arrested and charged with offences ranging from disorderly conduct to assaulting a police officer.
Gasp Shock ! It was even alleged that he used...obscene language! Handcuffed


Shoud these allegations be true, aren't they positively scandalous??? Shock 5

Lawd, I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when this alleged incident went down, as I am sure that it would have been very entertaining indeed Devil . I actually caught the news clip of him being led to court on CITN, and it was quite hilarious. TI still feel seh they could'a clean the man up a little, even arrange for his significant other to bring in a suit, so that he could don a John Gotti look. After all, he is a public figure! Devil

Needless to say, perhaps Dr. Frank was conducting a sociological study entitled: "Police Officer who kick ass when aggravated". Who knows, he could also be taking his continued campaign back to the Grass Roots. Devil

Be that as it may, I shall now endeavor not to miss the next episode of Public Eye Eye , Dr. Frank’s political infomercial, as I would love to see how he will play this one off! Personally, I had never farted on the program before, but he has now effectively gained my attention! Mouth At Side

But, if Bill Clinton could avoid possible impeachment (I say tongue in cheek – no pun intended! Angelic ), I’m sure that Dr. Frank can put a positive spin on such a scandalous “affair”, and resolve it in the court of public opinion. I have no doubt that he will be up and running for the next elections, with issues such as police brutality at the forefront of his political platform Rolling Eyes .

I would even recommend that he sit under the tree in front of the Glass House as Dr. Luarca did, and protest the blatant abuses to his person Angelic . I also undertand that there is also a vacancy on the Human Rights Committee that they are eager to fill . Maybe he should give Alden a call?

I need say no more on this issue. Devil

So, young gal took a batch of ganja brownies to school Shame On You , and fed them to some of her classmates, who subsequently became ill and had to seek medical attention.

Lawd a mercy, this one is scary. Rendered me totally flabbergasted, and I did not even know where to start. Frown
One thing that comes to mind is the need to bring back the belt in the schools, as someone needs to dole out a good ol' fashioned bitch slap at some point.

Of course, we can regress to the old sociological explanations, examine the home, pat her on the head two times and get her some counseling Lips Are Sealed , but had she offered the goods to my child, I know that I would be marching across town to dole out the aforementioned slap.

But, the state of affairs being what they are, young miss would probably kick my ass, and I would be no better off. Cross Eyed

On that note, I shall now exit.