Friday, January 30, 2009

Bitchy Interlude...

I gave a grumpy internal sigh when I realized that our paths were about to cross.

I spotted him from twenty feet away as he made his approach, my inner demon giving an inaudible snicker coupled with a sigh of pleasure as I took his measure and realized that the years had not been good to him. He was now a stubby looking fellow, sporting an unseemly gait, all coupled with a hairline that was aggressively racing to the back of his head. I somehow felt vindicated, though I pondered, would that be the extent of the punishment that fate would mete out to the rat bastard?

I could tell when he realized that it was me.

He stuttered in his steps, and looked around with obvious panic for a quick escape. The wimp. But alas, there was no escape in sight. No supermarket aisle for a quick u-turn, no hedge to dive into. Other than turning around and retracing his steps, he would have to bite the bullet, man up, and walk right by me. He took a deep fortifying breath (nearly popping a button), as he stepped up to face the music, all whilst I strutted along, maintaining an impassive look on my face, sunglasses hiding the general direction of my eyes.

I decided to change the tactics that I had employed for the past fourteen years.

“Hello, D.E,” I said, slowing to look at him with conversational expectation as we were shoulder to shoulder. He braked to an awkward stop, and whipped around to look at me in shock, then peered around to see if I was talking to him.
“Err...Ahh…Hi! Ahmmm…how are you!”
“Why, I am great thanks. How’s the family?” He started to sweat profusely.
“They are great! Thank you! And yours!” For some reason, he spoke in explanation marks.
“They are all terrific. I will be sure to give them your regards.” My face hurt from the force of maintaining my implacable pseudo-genuine-interested smile.
“You look terrific!” He exclaimed, taking my measure. Smarmy bastard stopped for a millisecond at my boobs.
“Why thank you. Have you been ill?”
“Why, no! Why do you ask!”
“No reason,” I donned a fake look of consternation. “Well, you take care now, okay?” I made a regal exit, feeling the pressure of his puzzled gaze piercing into my back.

As I bent the corner, he was still standing there, gazing into my wake, a look of stupefaction on his face. It was then that my demonic smile made its presence known, and I placed a quirky spring into my step.

My day was now complete. I couldn’t wait until our paths would cross again, as I planned the method with which I would leave him hanging in embarrassment as his expectant and confident greeting would be met with stony disdain, and a sneer of my upper lip. I shivered with devious glee.

A body has to take their entertainment as it comes.

On that spiteful note, I shall now exit.