Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Tongue Lashing

So, this morning, I drivin' along 'bout my business, cool, chillin' and totally mellow, listenin' to an ol' Sparrow CD in my car. You know the ol' scratchy songs with the hollow, echo-ie static ridden backgrounds? It was one 'a dem. Lol

So I warbling along with Sparrow, in my cool and mellow mood , pulled up to a red light, easy maxin' and relaxin', pondering my day ahead, Sparrow as my guide.
Yo
As I was completing my jungle screech with Sparrow to the tune of the Congo Man, I happened to glance at the vehicle that pulled up beside me, and my eyes connected with a scruffy lookin' fellow sportin dreads, and a gold tooth smack dab in the centre of his palate. I noticed said tooth, because Mr. Man grinned laciviously at me, and the glare from the tooth almost blinded me. Teeth In retrospect, the tooth did appear to be very well kept.

Polite individual that I am, I gave him a polite and distant nod of acknowledgement, filled with the right amount of disinterest, accompanied by a slight sneer of the upper lip Frown should he think otherwise, when to my shock and amazement, Mr. Man proceeded to stick his tongue out at me, and Lawd Gad, the tongue almost touched his chest!
Vomit
Men of the world Male , what the Pissed is that all about??? Did I miss a memo??? Mad

Where in all that is conceivable could a man possibly think that this was sexy, attractive, or appealing and a way to get a woman's attention??? Has this ever worked??? Where in all that is holy could such a concept have been conceived???

Lawd'a mercy!! Shock 3

Men of the world, hear my cry: The tongue business does not work! When you receive a scornful response to this action: WE ARE NOT PLAYING HARD TO GET!!! This is not an effective tool for gaining a woman's attention! I bid you - cease and desist! Stop Sign !

Mr. Man done went and spoiled my mellow mood, and worse yet, Sparrow now crooning 'bout 'licking and stickin' in the Congo Man song, and I get vex wid Sparrow too!! Mad

My natural inclination was to exit my car, and search for a good and proper rock stone to pierce the confines of Mr. Man's car, and connect with his head back as he drove away!

Needless to say, this was a fleeting thought as I am a pacifist by nature Peace (and a coward), and hunting rocks in a bush would do some serious damage to my new shoes and my dignity in mid morning traffic, therefore I had a split second to contemplate some form of retalitory action, to counter Mr. Man's display. To piss me off even further, I knew that Mr. Man done gone 'bout his business, and I am the furthest thing from his mind, whilst I am left behind, vex and irate! Pissed

I dug deep into the spiteful recesses of my mind (all whilst pondering his neck-back as he drove away), dug out my trusty cell phone and made a call. Cell Phone

On that note, I shall leave all in suspense, for fear that I shall implicate myself in any actions involving the possible abuse of government resources. Angelic

On a totally unrelated matter, Nerd I feel that it is my civic duty to assist in the promotion of a wonderul Drunk Driving Hotline initiated by the RCIP Police some years back, for which I have seen no further promotions for the past two years.

This Hotline is accessed by dialing *DD on your cell phone, in the event that you are ever navigating the perilous streets of the Cayman Isands, and should ever encounter a drunk driver, or a suspected drunk driver. Just provide the nice RCIP officer with the license plate number of the suspected perpetrator, and general direction of that they are heading, and they will take it from there. The call is strictly anonymous, though you may provide your name and details, should you so desire. Let us come together to eradicate drunk driving and it possible fatal consequences.

Downing Shots

Having fulfilled my civic obligation for the day, I shall now exit.

Ciao.

Afro. Peace Sign





6 comments:

bakannal time said...

O lawd 'fro!!! u too bad. u had me crackin up here. u shoulda grab he tongue an drive weh. lol.

Mighty Afroditee said...

Bad? L'il ol' me? Whatever do you mean, kind sir? ; )

Jus' know, I still vex. Never mess wid a woman's mellow morning.

Mad Bull said...

Heh heh heh... sexual harrassment, nuh true? I get it all the time... or at least, I wish I did. I wonder why I don't get attached? Cho man! Now you have spoiled my night... (just kidding)

Mighty Afroditee said...

I ain't paying you no min'. Yu got jokes. Never min' the trauma that I have suffered at this man' hand.

bakannal time said...

so wat u sayin...u neva see a tongue suh long?

Gela's Words said...

This post is funnneeee. Bachannal, yu not easy yu know. hehe.