Monday, October 16, 2006

Death, Love and Family

So, I found out on the weekend that a family acquaintance had died under very tragic circumtances. Weird statement that, as I have never heard of anyone that had died under happy circumstances.

The news as it was, was shocking, and once again a tragic wake up call. He
was at an after work happy-hour boat cruise, and fell overboard whislt roughhousing with friends. He apparently fell overboard and the circumstances as to whether he broke his neck or drowned are questionable and subject to rumour. He was a husband, a father, a brother and a son. He was no more then twenty four years old.

Life is so fleeting. One minute you are engaging in nice time, the next you are preparing to meet your demise. He left home that day, going about his usual routine, and in the afternoon, his wife and family are receiving that tragic telephone call.

I cannot begin to fathom my reaction on receiving one of those calls, or having to make such a call. I cannot begin imagine the pain and trauma experienced by those on the cruise - his friends and associates; those that were directly roughhousing with him. The guilt; the nightmares; constantly reliving the event.

I wish there was some magic wand that I could wave to take it all away. It has also enlightened me to the fact whether I like it or not, death will one day touch my family and friends, and I am not prepared to deal with it. I should never take them for granted.
I think of his sisters and his mother, and my heart breaks. I do not know if I should leave them in peace to mourn and to finalise his arrangements, or if I should contact them to see if there is anything that I or my family can do.

I remember when my best friend's father passed away, and we were dealing with the business of the final arrangements. He spent more time consoling me than I did him. He looked at me and I bawled. He looked away from me, and I bawed. I bawled at the fact that I could not take away his pain. I bawled at the fact that I felt so helpless. I bawled at the fact that I had taken my own father for granted, and could not imagine how I would feel if I should lose him.


I am going to call my son, dad, brothers and sisters, and let him know that I love them. Then I am going to find my mom, curl up with her in bed, and harrass her. I had not been spending enough time with her. I going to tell her that I am sorry for griping about the cost of her romance novels that I had to pick up at the book store. I am going tell her that I am sorry for snapping at her when she called me at work to harrass me this morning. But, I can't get too sappy with her, because she may become suspicious, send me out for a random drug test, then have my brothers and sisters stage an intervention. So, I will filter it all out in small doses.

You all, be sure to do the same.

On that contemplative note, I shall now exit.



Mad Bull said...

Yeah, it well rough on them for true. I wonder whether some kind of punishment will be meted out by the cops to those who accidentally caused his death. I wonder if such punishment is deserved, as some feel, or if it would be a sin to punish them? It rough!
I'd say you should go see how you can help them, if you're up to it. They prolly need someone around, even if its just to console the person and forget their own pain for a bit.

Abeni said...

Having lost one my best friends this April I know exactly how you feel. Even when she was diagnosed with cancer I refused to think she would die-too hard to think far less deal with it.

Since then I've gained a whole new perspective on life and most of all am appreciating my remaining friends and family so much more.

Gishungwa said...

Dealing with the loss f a loved one is never easy, you should contact them to see if there is anything that you can do.
Sometimes strength is found in knowing that someone cares. I have learnt that whilst hey are grieving its best to sit with them and say nothing at all just sit and hold the person.Be strong.

Guyana-Gyal said...

Hello Afroditee, I'm sorry about your family acquaintance.

That bit about your mum makes me think about my mum...we get along most times but sometimes...phew...we argue. And I feel so bad. I'm learning to tell her why I'm irritable and to give her a hug. She's getting on in age, 70 now. More vulnerable, I guess.

Leon said...

Ouch. Not much older than myself. Sorry about the loss.

Nakeel said...

Sharing the words and just calling to let them know you there and remember them will go down way to helping them emotionally.
That little action matters when you are in sorrow.

Gela said...

Hey Afro, you need to update your Gela link

Scratchie said...

Sorry to hear about your loss. I know exactly what you mean about making the times with loved one count. I live across the street from my parents and half the time I am so caught up schoolwork that I see them so rarely. I'm making time these days though.

solitaire said...

Hi sis!
You are right...time is short on this earth.

My mom emailed me today...two people from my church back home had heart attacks, one had her leg amputated...oh goodness. I almost cried at work.

Thanks for visiting my blog!

Shotta M said...

Life is so precious and death so unavoidable.

I too also never know what to do when death shoes its ugly head - what to say, how to help?

My condolences.