Amphibious Encounter

So, I restin’ up good, good from my Friday Night trauma, elevating my still swollen knee, when I feel piece’a coldness on mi elbow. When mi look, mi and a frog eye mek four!!! Lawd’a’mercy, he stare me right in the eye, with that piece’a ting on he neck expanding and contracting as if he saying hello!!!

Lawd, mi throat still hurtin’ from the screech, an’ mek me tell ya, if he wha’ my prince, I sure as hell hope that he put me on he life insurance, cuz I can tell ya, we were just not meant to be!

That mo’fcuker is dead! D-E-A-D !! I upped and killed he dead, dead, dead!!!

In a fit o' vexation after the screech, I grabbed a shoe and squished he rass! ! Guts and entrails splat all over the floor. When I done wid dat, I grabbed the bleach and pour it ovah he carcass, jus' to mek sure! Only a likkle bit o’ bleach was left, so I had to use Tilex an' Sno Bol to mek up the difference!

Hmprh. If you goin’ do a killin’ mek sure you do it right. Not like dem horror movie thrillers, whey deh give the villain one wack, and den run screaming into the sunset, or run to hug and kiss. Idjits!!

When you smash a perpetrator, deliver a final run through, jus’ to mek sure! Shoot an extra bullet ; give an extra stab ! Den, poke ‘em in the eyeball to see if deh flinch!! There will not be a sequel for this som'bytch!!

Screw that chain of life / food chain bullshiit!! I say kill ‘em all!!!

I mindin’ my business and he have the audacity to place his slimy, cold, wart ridden, nasty self on me???? The unmitigated gall!!! The nerve!!! Death to ‘im and he kind!!! This means war with all those of the amphibious and reptilian families, who I know are all related to this mo’fcker!! I goin’ fix unnu! Armed with my bleach and ten foot radius squirt gun, I goin’ reign death and destruction on all a’ unnu! This is the final solution!

Den, I tell mi brudda ‘bout mi trauma, and Mr.Man have the nerve to laugh at me! He lucky that I'm a dainty, delicate, and sensitive creature, otherwise, I would’a use the same shoe and squish he rass too, and tell him two words when a'done ! Hmprh! I fix him, though!!! He had to get rid of the body! I know that he did look squeamish when he was scraping up the guts and gore! Dah wha’ he get! I would'a move before I touched that crap! I killin' 'em, but I ain't cleanin' up. Froggiecide! Lizardcide! (No Snakicide, cuz I jus’ not messin wid dem. I goin’ delegate that task!) Death to them all!!!!

Had to tek a bath an' bleach and scrub mi arm where the rat bastard did lan’.

On that note, I shall now exit. I feel like scrubbin' again. Rat Bastard!

Out.

Afro.