Sunday, October 01, 2006

Amphibious Encounter

So, I restin’ up good, good from my Friday Night trauma, elevating my still swollen knee, when I feel piece’a coldness on mi elbow. When mi look, mi and a frog eye mek four!!! Frog 2 Lawd’a’mercy, he stare me right in the eye, with that piece’a ting on he neck expanding and contracting as if he saying hello!!!

Lawd, mi throat still hurtin’ from the screech, an’ mek me tell ya, if he wha’ my prince, I sure as hell hope that he put me on he life insurance, cuz I can tell ya, we were just not meant to be! Mad

That mo’fcuker is dead! D-E-A-D !! I upped and killed he dead, dead, dead!!!

In a fit o' vexation after the screech, I grabbed a shoe and squished he rass! ! Guts and entrails splat all over the floor. When I done wid dat, I grabbed the bleach and pour it ovah he carcass, jus' to mek sure! Only a likkle bit o’ bleach was left, so I had to use Tilex an' Sno Bol to mek up the difference!

Hmprh. If you goin’ do a killin’ mek sure you do it right. Not like dem horror movie thrillers, whey deh give the villain one wack, and den run screaming into the sunset, or run to hug and kiss. Idjits!!

When you smash a perpetrator, deliver a final run through, jus’ to mek sure! Shoot an extra bullet Pistol ; give an extra stab Knife ! Den, poke ‘em in the eyeball to see if deh flinch!! Eye There will not be a sequel for this som'bytch!!

Screw that chain of life / food chain bullshiit!! I say kill ‘em all!!!

I mindin’ my business and he have the audacity to place his slimy, cold, wart ridden, nasty self on me???? The unmitigated gall!!! The nerve!!! Death to ‘im and he kind!!! This means war with all those of the amphibious and reptilian families, who I know are all related to this mo’fcker!! I goin’ fix unnu! Armed with my bleach and ten foot radius squirt gun, I goin’ reign death and destruction on all a’ unnu! This is the final solution!

Den, I tell mi brudda ‘bout mi trauma, and Mr.Man have the nerve to laugh at me! He lucky that I'm a dainty, delicate, and sensitive creature, otherwise, I would’a use the same shoe and squish he rass too, and tell him two words when a'done Pissed ! Hmprh! I fix him, though!!! He had to get rid of the body! I know that he did look squeamish when he was scraping up the guts and gore! Dah wha’ he get! Sick I would'a move before I touched that crap! I killin' 'em, but I ain't cleanin' up. Froggiecide! Lizardcide! (No Snakicide, cuz I jus’ not messin wid dem. I goin’ delegate that task!) Death to them all!!!!

Had to tek a bath an' bleach and scrub mi arm where the rat bastard did lan’.

On that note, I shall now exit. I feel like scrubbin' again. Rat Bastard!
Out.
Ginger

Afro.

12 comments:

kai said...

MURDERER!!!

Mighty Afroditee said...

I ain't shame!!!

Ri said...

I say kill dem all. My son swim teacher waan get mad wid me for sprayin dem I tell ah too bad for dem. She can put all of dem in her ole Ford Exploder.

Gela's Words said...

Eeoowwww!!!Yuk! Yu brave eh? I wouldn't be touching it with a 10ft pole. Yu good. That post is hilarious. hehe.

Anonymous said...

YEAH !YEAH! YOU NEED TO COME TO MY YARD!! I AM BEING HELD HOSTAGE ON A DAILY BASIS. If I get up too early I have to "screechy" mi head out di door and peep. first you open the door a crack and slam it back. that is to make sure that you get rid of the one on the door. (front door) I no longer open the back door as one tek up residence in the door jamb. every evening, me and the bleach and the pinesol....looks like they are getting mutant..because dem still deh deh...LAAD A MASSI!! , I tink seh it wuz me wan! IZ ME DIS!! NATTY! ( madbull's BEST piece heh... heh (other half)) you should see him out here, bending over laughing and shouting " NATTY ! COME READ DIS!!)

Mighty Afroditee said...

RI: When they go in the ol' Ford Explorer, I sure hope seh he leave the island wid dem!!! Bleedin' Heart Liberal! Hmprh!Wait until one jumps on her!

Natty: I feel ur pain! I know just what you mean! When it rains, they start this croakin' business that just send chills down the spine! I buyin' enough bleach to fill a swamp, and of they are mutant as you say, then I am goin' to start an Iranian Nuclear experimentation program!

Ms Gela: Adrenaline made me wack my attacker, and even in rethinking the experience, I am sorray nevah gi' 'im 2 more!I lef' dem alone when deh outside, but now deh want to invade the sanctity of my home! Hmprh!

kai said...

u need to luv all of god's creatures.

Mighty Afroditee said...

Yeah - The MAMMALS!

Gela's Words said...

Hey, did blogger eat one of my comments from here? I had commented on what Natty said. "Madbull's best piece" found that really funny.

I don't know if 'piece' has the same connotation in Guyana that it has in Ja. hehe

b.art said...

Hey Afro D, Thanks for showing love over at my place. You're quite the humorist I see.

Guidance

Mighty Afroditee said...

Hey Gela, I know not how I missed Natty's "best piece" comment!

What a wench...tee hee

Mr. B.art - I am so misunderstood. I know not why they tek mi pain as fodder for their amusement. Sigh.

Scratchie said...

dwl.....and still laughing.