Ladies of the world unite! Men of the world - read on!
....Nice tan line, huh?
As an equal opportunity feminist, I am tired of being bombarded by scantily clad wenches, hawking every product from cars to shampoo, as I channel surf and read a magazine. I am tired of viewing scantly clad wenches strewn accross concert posters and flyers; I am tired of the bouts of gratuitous feminine nudity, unrelated to the plot of an otherwise interesting flick! I have had enough! Oooosssaaa....ooossssaaaa.... My apologies. I had to temporarily focus on the tan line in order to properly reaquaint myself with the topic at hand.
As I was saying...
There was hope for us when Mel Gibson (pre DUI and Anti-Semetic arrest ) bared his butt in Bird on a Wire ; Denzel bared his ass-ets and won an Oscar, and it was quite worth it! Will Smith's ass action in I Robot was tantalising though insufficient! What of the Chippendale's male revue back in the 80's and 90's, which has now aparently fallen by the way side?
Is there a shortage of exemplary male asses in Hollywood and popular advertising agencies? Is the concept of a male stunt ass totally unheard of? We are bombarded by breasts of all sizes, shapes and colours, so what about the male ass and penile work??? Some gratuitous penile action???
Well...maybe not. There is something innately jokey about the penis in isolation, added to the possible comparisons and inadequacies associated with length, girth etc., therefore I can understand the nature of man's insecurities should this concept catch on. No more Blockbuster flicks for Tom Cruise if this were to happen !!
Butt...(and I do mean "butt" ), is it not then obvious that black men would dominate Hollywood, and more Oscars would be doled for men of colour??? See where I am going with this? Need I remind the men of the world, those who seek to deprive me of my possible viewing pleasure (inclusive of a good giggle) that D'Angelo is now a Superstar and was nominated for 4 MTV music awards for his video and song...Untitled (How Does It Feel)? Let us pause for a moment of silence, in tribute to that rock hard body; chiselled chest; 24 pack abs, and some amazing camera work that employed the power of suggestion, and had me craning my neck to look into the bottom (no pun intended) of the TV screen.
I need say no more.
With this in mind, men should assist in the good fight for some male gratuitous nudity, enforcing my bid to promote the female's right to ogle, lust and to recommend the need or possibility for a penile enhancer to our significant others. Men, this is our opportunity to put an end to the 'sidekick' roles that are constantly passed on to your coloured counterparts! It is therefore in your best interests to assist us in putting and end to this double standard. Help us, for your greater good!
Women of the world, let us no longer accept the mediocre man going to pot in his old age, with the ablity to trade us in for a younger model! Let us band together to giggle at the pot bellies; let us sing Lady Saw's refrains in harmony, as we subtly use the media to implant and reinforce the need for the gym, hair and penile implants in our men! Let us band together to let our men know that D'Angelo is the only standard that we will accept, unatainable though it may be.
Butt, they gotta have a goal, as we have surrendered ourselves to the cut of the knife for bigger breasts; elaborate weaves for longer hair; burnt scalps for relaxed hair, in an impossible bid to emulate our counterparts who are constantly, strewn across cars in bikinis, as a measure of appealing to a baser man's need for visual stimulation.
On that note, I shal now exit, fist raised in protest.