Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Ironic Ire

One hand hung from the car window, clutching a glowing cigarette, periodically bringing it to her blood red lips to take a desperate puff. Her other had clutched the cell phone desperately to her ear as she laughed raucously during her conversation, to the detriment of the other drivers on the road.

I vaguely admired her ability to multi-task, though her distraction was potentially to my detriment.

See, but for my driver’s license that has been expired for the past four years, I am a law abiding citizen. I really could not bear the potential embarrassment or the potential pain and inconvenience of being involved in a traffic accident during rush hour traffic. Of course, I would have to get into stuttered explanations to the police during the accident inquest as to my aversion to going to the Department of Motor Vehicles, and the fact that I would not be returning to pay the government license tax until they developed a drive through service. Something tells me that they would not understand my little boycott, and I was not prepared to deal with their unreasonableness and lack of understanding, all of which would be due to this dyam woman’s distraction by her cigarette and cell phone. I worked out the entire scene in my mind.

As her car continued to veer to my side of the road, I delicately honked my horn to advise her of the pending dire straights, whilst grumbling to myself that the heifer really should concentrate on the road.

To my consternation another hand appeared from the inner recesses of her body to flip me the bird (her nail was blood red like her lips), all with a sneer of her moustached upper lip, which I must say was quite unattractive, and very unladylike (her behaviour and the moustache). Then, as our vehicles crossed paths, she lowered the cell phone and the cigarette, sneered, “Stupid Bitch!”, and drove off in a huff, leaving me to inhale the fumes from the toxic vehicle carrying the toxic personality. My gasp of outrage sputtered and died a dismal death in her wake.

Interrupting my conversation, I flung down my cell phone, prepared to bellow an indignant response, but realized that it would indeed be futile. She was gone. She had won. The stinkin’ heifer! Where were the cops when you needed them???

I then picked up my cell phone, and resumed my conversation, getting into a passionate diatribe on how drivers no longer concentrated on the road. People are so easily distracted!

And on that ironic note, I shall now exit.

Ta ta...




Ruthibelle said...

so you were talking on your phone too?? no comments, lol

let's hope the toxic car and the toxic personality end up where all things toxic belong... :-D

Cool Destiny said...

Bad girl. Shame shame shame. I never talk on the cell phone while driving unless I have my ear piece in.

Abeni said...

lol...brave girl to have the boycott so long and still driving in the people country

Crankyputz said...

lol your too funny, giving her grief for your own sins....

Stunner said...

Shame on yuh, cussin the woman and you were doing the same thing, chattin on your phone. lol! but yuh serious with the license thing though, if you were here the police would be rich off you!

Jdid said...

look at you doah! try an renew the people drivers license

Will said...

girl i feel you... do as i say and not as i do has been my motto ever since i've been old enough to through my prodigious weight around... :-)

:-) I gave you an award. It's at the bottom of this post:


Anonymous said...

As someone who lives in a town where you could probably drive down main street with your eyes closed without any negative consequences, and as someone who recently returned from their first trip to big, scary, New York City, I can say that this post most certainly struck home.