My big sis, the newly baptised lamb, has never forgiven me for what she deems my 'irrepressible behaviour' at one of the most important occasions of her life. Yes, she used the word 'irrepressible'. Is so she does talk.
It all started when she was insistent that her hair had to be done two days before the momentous occasion, which I still don't unn'erstand, for she was getting baptised. Why she goin' spend money to wash, curl, and blow dry hair, when the holy waters would jus' mess it up? Illogical.
But for the youngest and eldest of my siblings (the “mutants”), I and the remaining members of my family are all vertically challenged. The pas’on must not have realised that The Lamb was the shortest of his flock as he led them to the baptismal waters, for the 6 ft tall pastor inadvertently took her out too deep. She made an almost inaudible bleat of protest.
I, being the loving a caring sister, watched in snickered apprehension as he led her out further and further, and as alarm gradually entered the Lamb's eyes. But for the bleat, the little trooper uttered nary a word of protest, and docilely followed the pastor to the slau...err...out into the water.
I did indeed ponder if her gradual realisation and potential panic would interfere with her spiritual buzz at that point, as she mentally assessed how to swim in her spiritual robes. I surmised that the pa'son was prob'ly goin' kill her before he saved her.
The pa’son dipped The Lamb’s co-baptisees in a synchronized assembly line, I watching in pseudo-amusement as they all did the ‘Dip and Fall Back’. But, alas, when the diminutive Lamb stepped up to the plate (and gurgled a mouth full of water), she could not do the Dip and Fall Back like the rest of the flock, or she wudda drown.
So, the pa'son improvised, and lifted her off'a her feet 'til she was floating, and we could all see her chipped pedicure. I am still convinced that is only her forehead that got wet, but I have no tangible evidence with which to demonstrate the fact that the spiritual dip had indeed been botched.
The Lamb exited the baptismal waters, wearing her glow of accomplishment (who was I to disillusion her at this point?), walked towards me, looked furtively around, and asked me in panicked undertones: "Lawd, did my hair dye run?"
I nearly dead. This was the final crescendo leading into my ‘irrepressible behaviour’.
I would think that forgiveness would be high on The Lamb’s agenda since taking on her 'new personality', but she is still carrying a grudge. Evidence indeed that the pa'son never dipped her properly.
On that irreverent note, I shall now exit.
It all started when she was insistent that her hair had to be done two days before the momentous occasion, which I still don't unn'erstand, for she was getting baptised. Why she goin' spend money to wash, curl, and blow dry hair, when the holy waters would jus' mess it up? Illogical.
But for the youngest and eldest of my siblings (the “mutants”), I and the remaining members of my family are all vertically challenged. The pas’on must not have realised that The Lamb was the shortest of his flock as he led them to the baptismal waters, for the 6 ft tall pastor inadvertently took her out too deep. She made an almost inaudible bleat of protest.
I, being the loving a caring sister, watched in snickered apprehension as he led her out further and further, and as alarm gradually entered the Lamb's eyes. But for the bleat, the little trooper uttered nary a word of protest, and docilely followed the pastor to the slau...err...out into the water.
I did indeed ponder if her gradual realisation and potential panic would interfere with her spiritual buzz at that point, as she mentally assessed how to swim in her spiritual robes. I surmised that the pa'son was prob'ly goin' kill her before he saved her.
The pa’son dipped The Lamb’s co-baptisees in a synchronized assembly line, I watching in pseudo-amusement as they all did the ‘Dip and Fall Back’. But, alas, when the diminutive Lamb stepped up to the plate (and gurgled a mouth full of water), she could not do the Dip and Fall Back like the rest of the flock, or she wudda drown.
So, the pa'son improvised, and lifted her off'a her feet 'til she was floating, and we could all see her chipped pedicure. I am still convinced that is only her forehead that got wet, but I have no tangible evidence with which to demonstrate the fact that the spiritual dip had indeed been botched.
The Lamb exited the baptismal waters, wearing her glow of accomplishment (who was I to disillusion her at this point?), walked towards me, looked furtively around, and asked me in panicked undertones: "Lawd, did my hair dye run?"
I nearly dead. This was the final crescendo leading into my ‘irrepressible behaviour’.
I would think that forgiveness would be high on The Lamb’s agenda since taking on her 'new personality', but she is still carrying a grudge. Evidence indeed that the pa'son never dipped her properly.
On that irreverent note, I shall now exit.
'Fro.
8 comments:
"Lawd, did my hair dye run?"
aaaaaaaaahahahahaha... no seriously... i woulda be rolling too eh...
fun times...
Ignorance is bliss and in this case she'll be swimming in it for a while, until that is, she reads your post.
cuhdear! she shoulda just wear a shower cap
LOL!!!! Ditto Jdid on the shower cap. That is real funny tho!
lol,well a sista has to look good at all times
That did sound like it would have been pretty funny. :)
lol @ she got her hair done.
I remember getting baptized. I had a fresh set of mircos safely tucked inside of a plastic grocery sack, secured by a swim cap haha! I refused to mess up my $300 braid job on account of the lord. Pitiful but true.
Too funny.
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