The Evil Stepmother

[Excerpt from phone call to Sonny in Barbados]

‘Fro: Your Granddad is getting married
Sonny: [Shocked] Really??? To who???
‘Fro: His girlfriend, I guess.
Sonny: Wow! I didn’t know that ol' people were even attracted to each other!
‘Fro: [Brekking up wid laffter] Wha’??? Wha’ kind of thing is that to say???
Sonny: I didn’t mean it like that, Mom!! I jus’ thought they saw each other as we see them, you know, ol’ and wrinkly and stuff…

From the mouths of (obnoxious) babes.

So, my old fart of a father, pushing seventy if there ever is a day, is getting hitched to a young hussy who is more than twenty years his junior. I guess it sounds more scandalous when we mention the twenty year differential, but when I break it down to say that she is forty three, it does not sound as scandalous and illicit.

The news spread amongst his five chillun like wildfire, and immediately, a fambily caucus was convened at the closest house of choice. We had visions of a scantily clad wench donned in blood red lipstick, plotting to milk our father of his Trump-esque fortune, which drove us to immediately research and assess the nature and legalities regarding said holdings. It was so jokey, especially when we realized that the status quo will remain: there are no holdings. But it was the principle of the thing, and the drama was quite exciting.

Anyway, after meeting with Daddy, and organizing a sit down with the hussy…who was not really a hussy after all, but a well meaning woman who is apparently in love with the old fart, I have come to realize how this can now complicate my once relatively uncomplicated life. She is another dynamic that we chillun must now consider, because much as we would like to deny it, she will now become a part of our lives, distant though it may be. I had never factored a possible third party interloper affecting the matriarchal and / or patriarchal standing in my fambily. Us against the world, spearheaded by my divorced parents. Now, another individual has the potential to affect policy and procedures within my family, as they also have access to my Daddy. Sigh.

But, from general observation, it does seem as if the conventional family is almost extinct. Sonny has a stepmother and a ‘half’ sister, and (god forbid!) should I marry and have a child / more children, he will in effect have two families. Sigh. Shifting social conventions and the redefinition of societal norms. A sociological debate that is well served with a cold beer.

Anyway, Dads is getting married in Jamaica next month, and the gang a we is all flying out to wish him our continual love and support, as good chillun do. Coincidentally, the chillun (but for the newly baptized lamb) can also get on wild and wassy and take in some Jamaica carnival festivities. I just hope that I can suitably remove the hangover, mud and paint from J’ouvert, to be able to pull myself together to look suitably dainty and delicate for the wedding. No one should ever critique my ability to multi-task.

On that note, I shall now exit.

Toodles

'Fro